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Facing fears and scared shitless

woman lying on her back covering her mouth with a marked hand

Photo by Daria Sannikova on Pexels.com


I have been fighting with myself for years on overcoming various fears…some small, some rather big, but fears nonetheless. I feel you only truly grow as a person when you stop running, turn around, and you fight back against the things that can prevent us from living free and fulfilling lives. Fear is a bitch, yes, and in 3 days I will be facing a rather big fear of mine and performing in front of 10’s of thousands of people, and there is no backing out..I am lucky to be performing in a group of great friends which helps me tremendously to just go for it and give it all I’ve got. I have been periodically and intensely terrified of this fear, but still doing it anyway, and I’m confident that I will absolutely overcome it, but naturally, this moment is just setting me up to take an even bigger step in my journey.

Now, when it comes to constant personal growth and improvements, I naturally think of what my next step will be, and that’s when this particular thought came to me since I’ll no longer have the fear of physically “putting myself out there”….first, the good news, I reach my mini goal of physically launching my youtube channel (a goal that’s been years in the making, but kept hesitating with for some reason), and the “downside” is that my very video post will have almost nothing to do with Polykinetics.

What I am going to talk about might actually shock some people, it might cause others to shame or belittle me in one way or another, might inspire some, and of course, some will just naturally not give a fcuk…..it’s all good….it’s not about the reactions my post might cause. –It is about taking what I see as coming forth and “going public” about a part of me and my life that I have very much been consciously hiding from nearly everyone…even from those who have known me for a substantial amount of time, and it is a declaration that could drastically change the course of my life…maybe for the better, maybe for the worse….I don’t know and I don’t speculate the outcome -My instinct just continuously keeps telling me that it needs to be done  –No more hiding….no more pretending….no more letting the fear of being judged over something that just happens to be apart of who I am dictate my choices or ambitions. No more…

I think constantly and honestly….what’s really the worst that can happen?  What? People won’t like me?  –Pshhh…a lot of people don’t like me now, so when I think of it….not a big loss really. I literally have nothing to lose, other than the fear itself.

…..TO BE CONTINUED!

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