I feel you all the time and I have throughout most of my life. Sometimes, I was unsure, but others, there was no doubt. I know you've been peeking in on me and Madison and I thank you for that. I know you can't share your spoken wisdom, but feeling that ethereal support is just as amazing especially when there isn't another living soul around me during those darkest times.
Even though we don't have the typical relationship, I've brought you with me to every single major event and accomplishment I ever had. I even remember fighting with you once when I was a kid when my mom had gotten to me. I screamed at you for not being there to help me....to protect me from those who were hurting me, but that's when you taught me that I needed to start learning how to do it for myself.
Those were the hardest of years to endure in your absence and yet, I feel that you're grateful that I didn't fall under your same fate. That even though you're dead, you somehow saved me that night, in that moment. A moment, 20-ish years later I still remember so vividly. I remember feeling nothing at all and how terrifying that was to me, more than the pain of dying.
I know I have my moments, but you know what's in my heart and in my intentions as a person as I try my best to navigate this wild ass experience that I personally don't really know what to make of one way or the other, however, I'm enjoying learning about your antics over the years and of myself since half of you is me.
Some stories have shocked me, others, not so much, and most are just down right hilarious
I'm definitely your child, just an innovative version in female form who will stop at nothing to help/enhance/improve as many people as I can while I'm here. I've helped a few already so I feel my existence isn't completely for nothing. There some genuine value there, and I know with continued practice, it'll only get better, but ultimately....I'm going to have to weather the storm to see the rainbow.
Yea....I get it. :-)
Love you Dad. xx
My Dad, Daniel Parsons, a former police Sergeant with the Maplewood Police Department died of suicide in August 1987.
He was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder Type 1 during a time when most didn't know what Bipolar disorder was let alone how to treat it properly for the majority of those who suffered from it before the advancements of recent times.
My heart goes out to everyone who had to suffer in silence for DECADES with no options and zero public support due to the OVERWHELMING STIGMA that took so many lives before their time. May everyone who's been touched by suicide find their way to peace.
Much love.